Updated: Jul 12, 2020
The first 4 months of 2019 can suck on my balls, balls - you can’t get mad at me for quoting Beyonce because she can do no wrong! Moving on, the beginning of 2019 was rough to say the least. I was angry, irritable, short tempered, anxious, depressed, it felt like I was in a fog and my concentration was off. I knew I was depressed, but I had no idea how bad I really was.
It seemed that everything around me was crumbling and I couldn’t do anything about it. Due to other issues affecting my family, they couldn’t help me and so the downward spiral continued to happen until one day in February. It was like I woke up and knew I needed to get help before I snapped, which I felt would eventually happen. I started going to group therapy in February and eventually transitioned to one on one. I’ll admit, I wasn’t really feeling group therapy, but there’s something about sitting in a room with people who have similar issues talking about their experiences that makes you feel less alone. One of the dangers of depression is feeling isolated and no one understands you, but in group therapy you’re validated, and that can make a difference in your recovery.
Before I would rarely express myself because I didn’t want to burden people, but I don't feel that was anymore! At first, I would stop everything and voice how I felt, it was comical because I would put my hands up and say t like - What you just said upset me or I feel attacked, but after more therapy, I’m a bit smoother in my expressions :) Don’t get me wrong, I still struggle with expressing my emotions, but I REFUSE to go back to that dark place and that in itself gives me the strength and boldness I need to advocate for myself.
While in group therapy, I learned something that changed the way I think about my mental health challenges:
I am MORE than my anxiety and depression
I possess the tools needed to overcome them AND manage them
My story is far from over, some days I’m great, others not so much. I have realized in this mental health journey that healing is not linear, but I must do my best to move forward. What does that mean? When I have bad days, I acknowledge it, let my family know and ask for help. I make sure I talk to my therapist about what’s going on as well. I’ll admit, I’m not the best at practicing self-care, but I’m hoping to change that very soon. However, something that does help me is helping YOU!
When my family started to see that I was getting better, they told me I should write a book about my experience…. I laughed. Then they moved from the book idea to the blog idea…. I thought about it and thought about it and moved on from it. A few months later, I woke up and started brainstorming ideas for a name, what my website and logo would look like, what type of posts I wanted to write and on October 28th, I launched the site and published by first blog post!
I thought about what content I would want to read that would educate, uplift, support and empower me while on my healing journey. I wanted to turn my pain into a platform that would do the above for Black Women and Women of Color because the medical field has not and is not something we can rely on. As my Pastor says, ‘my prayer for you is’ that you all heal and #ForBrownGirlsBlog encourages you to keep moving forward in your journey.
As this is the last post of the year, I hope that you have enjoyed the blog and social media posts so far and I hope that they have helped you. I want to do more in the second quarter of the new year, but before I do, I want to make sure I’ve mastered (as much as I can) what I’m doing now - publishing helpful and relatable content on the blog and on social media. Thank you for the support you have given to me and this blog - words cannot express how grateful I am. I hope that you will continue to read the blogs and follow me on social media, and feel free to email/dm topic ideas or anything else that is helpful.
I’m taking a few days off to relax, recharge and spend time with family. However, I will be making an announcement on January 1st so stay tuned!
Keep in mind I’m an artist and I'm sensitive about my sh!t. Writing this post was tough. I’m the type of person who doesn’t like to feel or be vulnerable, but I hope that my story, struggles and experiences I wrote about, help you in some way, shape or form.
Remember Brown Girls, you got this and you are NOT alone.
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Happy New Year Brown Girls!!!